I lie awake every night for a good hour thinking about so many things before I finally drift off. All these thoughts would probably make excellent blog fodder but the cohesiveness of the thoughts is long gone by morning. So I figured I would start writing about some of the bits and pieces and see if anything starts to come back together.
As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I BELIEVE 100% WHOLE-HEARTEDLY IN GOD. That is to say I believe there is a God. Who he is, what his nature is or the extent of his power, is still up for debate in my mind. I just can't look at the world and think that it and we are just some strange coincidence. Also up for debate is whether or not Jesus Christ is real. Not only is he the son of God and did all the things the Bible says he did, but did he even exist.
In the last weeks I have heard the phrase "good question," a whole bunch but have not anyone able to give any answers to those questions. Nor have these questions opened up any serious dialog to try to find at least a partial answer (except with my wife or with others who don't claim to have found their truth). This frustrates me. I consider myself to be a pretty heady person but am also aware that the magnitude of these questions are not something that I can answer without some good dialog and help. If they are such "good questions," why don't others who have found their truth ask them? Maybe they do, but why have I not heard them ask them. Do they pray openly in public and in church to show how happy and proud they are of their truth but then question and search in a closet? This seems backwards to me. In fact the Bible even says to "pray in a closet" (I never wrote down the exact passage but it is there). What good does questioning in a closet do? Kinda hard to find anything in the dark.
Another frustration I am having is when I ask a question specifically about Christianity, I get an answer laden with bible quotes and passages. I understand that this is the defining book on the faith but what good does it do me to get answers from the Bible when part of my whole question is in regards to the validity of the Bible? That is like arguing about the color of the sky with someone who is color blind.
So I ask then "How do you KNOW the Bible is the truth?" and the usual answer boils down to "I just KNOW," or "It is just a feeling." I will not criticize anyone on what they believe or why they believe it, but for me, a "feeling" is not enough. If I am to lay my life down for Jesus Christ and think twice about every action I take to make sure it is the Christian thing to do. If I am going to willingly live with the stress of knowing that some of my closest friends and family are going to Hell because they do not believe in Christianity. If I am to believe that no matter how good a persons intentions and works in life are they are nothing without Jesus, or if am am to believe that those who have never even known of Jesus will not have a chance at heaven, I need more than just a feeling. No one will deny there is a helluva lot on the line here, and I can justify anything with this sort of magnitude on a feeling. For instance, can someone direct me to some other writings of the period (other than the Bible) which refer to or speak of the life and death of Jesus Christ. I haven't been able to find anything. It is hard enough to show evidence that he was the son of God, but I can't even seem to find evidence that he ever walked a day of this earth. Does that bother anyone else? It bothers me.
Again, please no one take offense to this as I am not trying to put your truth on trial. As I have said before, I am beginning to think there may be more than one truth. All I am doing is trying to learn about your truth so that I can determine if it might be mine as well.
Feedback is appreciated... From everyone.... Thanks!
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6 comments:
hey chris,
i did my capstone study for my associate's degree on paul as a historical as well as a theological figure and found alot of writings/etc from the time he (and Jesus) walked the earth. if ur looking for the historical stuff i would advise you to google/wikipedia/etc (and books as well) about the historical evidence of Jesus. i think u'll find some documents that are written about Jesus or 'the christ'(pliny the younger, and others). some rulers would write to other rulers about how to deal with the christ and his followers. also, the gospels are considered historically sound due to the fact that they were written within just a few decades of Jesus' life. for ex. 'alexander the great' is considered historically sound even though it was written hundreds of years after the guy lived (i wanna say 400 yrs, but i can't remember..). hopefully i helped a little..or guided you where to look.
just from my experience, the intellectual knowledge of Jesus is only one aspect of christianity. the aspect that helped me understand who God is, is prayer/meditation, and how God revealed himself to me..through others lives, through conversations (such as this), through life/nature, through spending quiet alone time with him and asking him who he really is.
Thanks for the feedback Heather, it is much appreciated. I read something that said actually that one of the biggest issues with the Bible is that it is not historically sound. It laid out several examples (none of which I remember off the top of my head) but when I read the examples I found them to be inarguable. One of them had something to do with some gross geographical inacuracies in the gospel of Luke. I'll see if I can track it down again and maybe you and others can help me pick it apart a little. I realize for some the intellectual part may not be as important but for me and they way my mind operates, I can't believe without have some intellectual basis.
As to the other "parts" of Christianity, I totally understand what you are saying about the people and the conversations, but what I don't understand (and honestly never have) is what can make anyone so sure these relationship are God/Christ when there are so many other explanations for such things which are equally unprovable?
Anyway good stuff, thanks again for the input.
check out how early it is right now. yes it's true. i am waiting for the coffee to perculate. i am really excited about this book i started reading yesterday, the case for christ, i have hope it is going to answer a lot of these questions. the preface/introduction is interesting, i would write about it but i think heather would laugh at me for reading the preface ;). love you babe.
haha! that's me laughing at the fact you think i would laugh at you for reading the preface..i think it's smart to read the preface..which maybe is why i never used to read the preface..but thanks to you, ally noland, i now read the preface! haha! (me again, laughing at myself)
Hi, I hope you don't mind I stumbled across your blog and want to comment on this. I am a middle-aged Christian, and I completely understand your situation. I believe I was exactly where you are several years ago. I felt so alone, and frustrated that so few people out there really "think," etc. I didn't fit with the "church" because I didn't believe in Christ or the Bible, yet I didn't fit with the world because it was so devoid of anything eternal or truly good.
About the "Bible" references for debate---been there too. Once I even heckled a Bible guy at the University of Texas-Austin when he was preaching to a crowd of 100's. I was yelling, "What makes you think we believe the BIBLE?!" I was so frustrated. Anyway, I am a very solid believer now, filled with more joy and purpose than ever, so that was like my "Saul of Tarsus" moment when I was a psychology student and full of frustration! :-)
One thing to share before I go, I think it was Thomas Aquinas who said, "You must not understand in order to believe. You must believe in order that you may understand."
May God Himself reveal Himself to you in a way that brings complete knowledge and Truth. Matt. 11:25
This is great info to know.
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