The Most Beautiful Place in the World

Ally and I are leaving today for what has become our yearly camping trip to the Lochsa river and the Selway Wilderness in North Central Idaho. This year we made it a sort of extended family camping trip with aunts uncles and cousins. Even my mom is coming. I don't think she has ever camped in her life and I am proud of her for giving it a shot and excited to have her along. I have been going there for a long time with my dad and he used to go there when he was a kid with his dad. That alone makes it a special place.

The trip usually consist of a day of fly fishing on the river and a hike into the Jerry Johnson Hot Springs (Beware of naked old men if you ever decide to visit, this hot spring is "clothing optional"). On the other day, we make an 11 mile drive up a steep one-lane mountain road towards Tom Beal Park, which is a base camp for a gigantic system of trails throughout the Selway Wilderness. Just before we reach the park however, we turn off into what seems to be just a dusty open spot next to a sheer cliff. Then you peak over the edge and you will see what my dad calls "the most beautiful place in the world."

Behold the Walton Lakes (Pictured is the lower lake) about 1000 vertical feet below the look over point. We spend the morning hiking down a switchback-laden trail to the lower lake and usually do a little bit of fishing in the lake before hiking up and over the hill directly behind the lake in the picture where there is a second lake. We spend most of the day here fishing. The trout are small but usually plentiful. Then at the end of the day we make the grueling 1000 vertical foot hike back out. But we're not there for the fishing, we go for the serenity of the place.

I personally feel a strong attachment to this place, probably a part of my dad in me and maybe a part of my grandfather who I never knew, but can only imagine what an amazing man he must have been. I always have loved coming here with my dad when I was little and learning all the things that his dad must have taught him when they used to come. He still today never hesitates to pass on little tidbits of information about the history of the land, the flora or fauna, or little stories or jokes about his past experiences here.

My dad is an amazing guy and I count myself lucky to have him and for every second I get to spend with him out in this place; his favorite place. He smiles just a little bit bigger and laughs just a little bit harder out here and it is obvious the respect he has for it and for his father who spent so much time with him here. I plan on coming out here every year I can for as long as I can and I hope he is there with me for many years to come. I'm glad he was there when I first shared this place with my wife, I'm glad he was there when I have shared it with friends, I am glad he gets to bring his wife here for the first time this year.

Someday, I will bring my kids to this place. I will teach them what my dad taught me and what his dad taught him. I will tell the stories and the jokes that he used to tell; I will make them laugh with a mustache made of tree moss. I will tell them, "This is the most beautiful place on earth."

And... I hope my dad is there to experience every moment.

Love you Dad!

Response and Thanks

After an outpouring of response to my last blog, I thought I should respond. I realized in reading my own writing back several days later, that I may have been having a bad day or something and wrote some things that I didn't necessarily believe but was thinking about and thought it might be fun to ruffle some feathers (unfortunately that is part of my personality and has gotten me in trouble before). I definately was not trying to offend anyone and was simply release a little frustration. I am finding that this journey for truth, while extremely liberating, can be a little stressful at timnes too. I have done a lot of research on the historical evidence of Christ's existence and am willing to concede that He probably did exist. I don't think it is overwhelming evidence as no one seems to refer directly to Him but more to His followers. However, I am aware that much of our written history from that time is hearsay.

To be clear on what I meant when I said I needed more than just a feeling, I'm not looking for proof. The only thing we can know absolutely is that we can't know anything absolutely. Rene Descartes came to his famous phrase Cogito Ergo Sum (I think there for I am) through this same logic. Specifically the truth that led him to the phrase was that the only thing which he could not doubt was the fact that he was doubting. So, point being, I realize I can't have concrete empirical proof. Rather, I am looking for evidence. It sounds like from talking to Ally, that the books she has been reading help with that evidence so they are next on my list of research. At this point, I struggle with the evidence because there doesn't seem to be much more evidence for this truth (Christianity) than there is for others. This may be simply because I haven't searched deep enough yet so maybe that opinion will change, and I honestly, hope it does. In searching, I am trying to read information from both sides of the debate and thereby hopefully comes to as close to an unbiased opinion as possible (unbiased opinion is about as big of an oxymoron as absolute truth). One thing I am finding when searching that it is impossible to read anything that doesn't have some sort of agenda behind it which is part of what makes us human.

After having a few days to looks deeper into these issues, I am becoming more concerned with the "feeling" part than I am the evidence. I think if I continue to search through reason I will find enough evidence to satisfy my empirically driven mind I have and everyone around me to thank for that. However, the feeling people talk about...Just knowing, etc. That is something that I'm not sure I have ever experienced. I've had religious highs at camp, I've been moved by church experiences, I've been inspired to try to run a marathon when I HATE running, but as I look back on those experiences which I had originally attributed to God's presence, I'm not convinced He had any part in it. For instance, the camp high, as I look back was more than likely me as a younger kid getting caught up in the moment and doing what others around me did. I was extremely moved by the 18 year old who decided to get baptized a few weeks back in the first service at church, but I think the reason it moved me was not God touching my heart but a appreciation that this kid knew what he wanted in life and he was dedicated to it. The marathon? I've been wanting to get something done for someone other than myself for quite a while. I was a member of the Post Falls Rotary Club for a year and became so frustrated by the fact that they always talked about doing things but never really accomplished much. The running thing was a way for me to do something and while I chalked it up to God directing me, I think I would have still wanted to do it if I never had heard of Christianity. Obviously these are all assumptions and I will never know for sure, but I have been trying to take a step back from what I have always been told to believe, and have done so blindly, so that I can find that truth for myself. I have to be honest about who I am and make Christ my truth or it will never have meaning to me.

That being said, I know I can't make it my truth without guidance from people around me. Thank everyone for their guidance, feeback and patience...

Plenty of Questions, Not So Many Answers

I lie awake every night for a good hour thinking about so many things before I finally drift off. All these thoughts would probably make excellent blog fodder but the cohesiveness of the thoughts is long gone by morning. So I figured I would start writing about some of the bits and pieces and see if anything starts to come back together.

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I BELIEVE 100% WHOLE-HEARTEDLY IN GOD. That is to say I believe there is a God. Who he is, what his nature is or the extent of his power, is still up for debate in my mind. I just can't look at the world and think that it and we are just some strange coincidence. Also up for debate is whether or not Jesus Christ is real. Not only is he the son of God and did all the things the Bible says he did, but did he even exist.

In the last weeks I have heard the phrase "good question," a whole bunch but have not anyone able to give any answers to those questions. Nor have these questions opened up any serious dialog to try to find at least a partial answer (except with my wife or with others who don't claim to have found their truth). This frustrates me. I consider myself to be a pretty heady person but am also aware that the magnitude of these questions are not something that I can answer without some good dialog and help. If they are such "good questions," why don't others who have found their truth ask them? Maybe they do, but why have I not heard them ask them. Do they pray openly in public and in church to show how happy and proud they are of their truth but then question and search in a closet? This seems backwards to me. In fact the Bible even says to "pray in a closet" (I never wrote down the exact passage but it is there). What good does questioning in a closet do? Kinda hard to find anything in the dark.

Another frustration I am having is when I ask a question specifically about Christianity, I get an answer laden with bible quotes and passages. I understand that this is the defining book on the faith but what good does it do me to get answers from the Bible when part of my whole question is in regards to the validity of the Bible? That is like arguing about the color of the sky with someone who is color blind.

So I ask then "How do you KNOW the Bible is the truth?" and the usual answer boils down to "I just KNOW," or "It is just a feeling." I will not criticize anyone on what they believe or why they believe it, but for me, a "feeling" is not enough. If I am to lay my life down for Jesus Christ and think twice about every action I take to make sure it is the Christian thing to do. If I am going to willingly live with the stress of knowing that some of my closest friends and family are going to Hell because they do not believe in Christianity. If I am to believe that no matter how good a persons intentions and works in life are they are nothing without Jesus, or if am am to believe that those who have never even known of Jesus will not have a chance at heaven, I need more than just a feeling. No one will deny there is a helluva lot on the line here, and I can justify anything with this sort of magnitude on a feeling. For instance, can someone direct me to some other writings of the period (other than the Bible) which refer to or speak of the life and death of Jesus Christ. I haven't been able to find anything. It is hard enough to show evidence that he was the son of God, but I can't even seem to find evidence that he ever walked a day of this earth. Does that bother anyone else? It bothers me.

Again, please no one take offense to this as I am not trying to put your truth on trial. As I have said before, I am beginning to think there may be more than one truth. All I am doing is trying to learn about your truth so that I can determine if it might be mine as well.

Feedback is appreciated... From everyone.... Thanks!

Quick Post

I am blogslacking so I wanted to throw something up. I got this quote from a very intelligent woman I know. It seems kinda obvious but none-the-less, I think, an important reminder to use our noodle and put a little stock in good old common sense from time to time.

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." -- Buddha

Is there such a thing?

My wife and I have been on this spiritual and philosophical journey over the last month and it has really changed the way I look at the world. There is nothing, I think, more fascinating than truth. There more I search for it, the more I am realizing that there might not be an answer, at least not in the absolute sense. Let me explain...

The first thing that began to happen as we started this journey was a great degree of discomfort. This was due to the simple fact that I had begun to doubt what I had held in my heart to be the absolute truth for so long. I worried about how this doubt would change us and if the God that we believed in all these years was saddened to see us questioning. I even worried a little about what friends in the church would think. As I continued to question and search I found more and more that this questioning and doubting was a good thing. What better way to find absolute truth than to start by putting my own beliefs on trial. I have since come across several fascinating thoughts from rabbis, preachers, mathematicians, philosophers, scientists and artists, supporting the idea that doubt is a good thing. However, there was one condition that continued to pop up in words of these great minds. They all believed doubting was a good thing, so long as we never cease our search for truth. C.S. Lewis used the analogy of the hall with many rooms. The hall being the place where people searched and doubted until they were able to select the room which they believed held the truth. He even said those who have already found their room should be kind to those still in the hall. The key point to his argument however, was that it was not ok to just stay in the hall. It is imperative to always continue to search for the room which held the truth.

This line of thinking and research has led me to the conclusion that while uncomfortable, doubt is essential to finding truth.

That was the easy part. My next question was, what happens when you find your room? Do you just go in and learn all you can from everyone who is already there and dive deeper and deeper into this truth, never to hear from or ask about the other rooms again and never to speak to those in the hall other than to try to convince them to come to your room? That seems a little idiotic...

Why would we not want to continue to learn not only about our truth but about the truths that others believe in? To continue with C.S. Lewis's analogy, would it not be a good idea to occasionally visit the other rooms and learn about those truths as well? If the truth we chose is the absolute truth, learning about the others should only strengthen our faith in that truth. If we are wrong, wouldn't we want to know that and learn about what might be right? More important than visiting the other rooms, I think it is extremely valuable to spend time back in the hall as well. I think the best way to continue to learn and search for meaning and truth in life is to spend time with those who themselves are still searching. Their thoughts are much more objective than those in the rooms and they ask the questions that those in the rooms won't because they are less susceptible to the discomfort of doubt.

I struggled with this for weeks trying to understand how do I KNOW? Will I ever KNOW? Does anyone really KNOW? I found my answer Thursday night in the strangest of ways. I was watching Sports Center, which I almost never find time to watch anymore, and they were doing one of their artsy pieces talking about how the Tampa Bay Rays were so dang good this year. At the beginning of the piece they flashed a quote from Voltaire which hit me like a 2x4 to the cranium. "Doubt is uncomfortable,..." (OK I already knew that) "Certainty is ridiculous." Funny how when you really focus on something for weeks at a time trying to find an answer, the universe just tosses it into your daily life in a place where you least expected it. Talk about the law of attraction in action.

RIDICULOUS!! It is!! This is not to say that someone who has found their truth/room is wrong or is an idiot for believing it, it just means that NO ONE can be certain and to claim to be certain is RIDICULOUS! It is OK to believe something with every bone in your body and to pour your heart into it, but you have to acknowledge that it might not be ABSOLUTE truth. If we can acknowledge that simple fact we will never stop learning. And, we will only grow deeper in what we have come to believe is OUR truth.

To bring this full circle... While uncomfortable, doubt is essential to finding and strengthening OUR truth. If we are to truly live, we should never stop searching for it, however, in the same breath, we should never be certain of it.

Will we find ABSOLUTE truth? I think not, in fact I wonder, is there such a thing?

Bitchin'

I think bitchin is a pretty sweet word. I am going to try to encorporate it into my daily vocabulary. Did you see that bitchin' thunderstorm last night?