Response and Thanks

After an outpouring of response to my last blog, I thought I should respond. I realized in reading my own writing back several days later, that I may have been having a bad day or something and wrote some things that I didn't necessarily believe but was thinking about and thought it might be fun to ruffle some feathers (unfortunately that is part of my personality and has gotten me in trouble before). I definately was not trying to offend anyone and was simply release a little frustration. I am finding that this journey for truth, while extremely liberating, can be a little stressful at timnes too. I have done a lot of research on the historical evidence of Christ's existence and am willing to concede that He probably did exist. I don't think it is overwhelming evidence as no one seems to refer directly to Him but more to His followers. However, I am aware that much of our written history from that time is hearsay.

To be clear on what I meant when I said I needed more than just a feeling, I'm not looking for proof. The only thing we can know absolutely is that we can't know anything absolutely. Rene Descartes came to his famous phrase Cogito Ergo Sum (I think there for I am) through this same logic. Specifically the truth that led him to the phrase was that the only thing which he could not doubt was the fact that he was doubting. So, point being, I realize I can't have concrete empirical proof. Rather, I am looking for evidence. It sounds like from talking to Ally, that the books she has been reading help with that evidence so they are next on my list of research. At this point, I struggle with the evidence because there doesn't seem to be much more evidence for this truth (Christianity) than there is for others. This may be simply because I haven't searched deep enough yet so maybe that opinion will change, and I honestly, hope it does. In searching, I am trying to read information from both sides of the debate and thereby hopefully comes to as close to an unbiased opinion as possible (unbiased opinion is about as big of an oxymoron as absolute truth). One thing I am finding when searching that it is impossible to read anything that doesn't have some sort of agenda behind it which is part of what makes us human.

After having a few days to looks deeper into these issues, I am becoming more concerned with the "feeling" part than I am the evidence. I think if I continue to search through reason I will find enough evidence to satisfy my empirically driven mind I have and everyone around me to thank for that. However, the feeling people talk about...Just knowing, etc. That is something that I'm not sure I have ever experienced. I've had religious highs at camp, I've been moved by church experiences, I've been inspired to try to run a marathon when I HATE running, but as I look back on those experiences which I had originally attributed to God's presence, I'm not convinced He had any part in it. For instance, the camp high, as I look back was more than likely me as a younger kid getting caught up in the moment and doing what others around me did. I was extremely moved by the 18 year old who decided to get baptized a few weeks back in the first service at church, but I think the reason it moved me was not God touching my heart but a appreciation that this kid knew what he wanted in life and he was dedicated to it. The marathon? I've been wanting to get something done for someone other than myself for quite a while. I was a member of the Post Falls Rotary Club for a year and became so frustrated by the fact that they always talked about doing things but never really accomplished much. The running thing was a way for me to do something and while I chalked it up to God directing me, I think I would have still wanted to do it if I never had heard of Christianity. Obviously these are all assumptions and I will never know for sure, but I have been trying to take a step back from what I have always been told to believe, and have done so blindly, so that I can find that truth for myself. I have to be honest about who I am and make Christ my truth or it will never have meaning to me.

That being said, I know I can't make it my truth without guidance from people around me. Thank everyone for their guidance, feeback and patience...